Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
