3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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