he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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