i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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