you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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