thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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