its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I die, sorry about rent.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
