3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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