Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
