this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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