Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
