Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
