god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just saw a hot homeless man
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
