The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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