the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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