True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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