Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
