We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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