90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
