Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
