Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
