We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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