you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The best revenge is premature balding
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
