I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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