she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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