the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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