I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize