Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
