yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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