i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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