so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Barsexuality is the new black.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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