I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
