i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
