I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
