i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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