Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
