Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
