I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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