I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
