Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
