i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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