Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
