just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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