do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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