her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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