bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
