you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
