i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Blood and glitter go together right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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