why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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