i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
