the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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