I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
