Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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