my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
