I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
