That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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