She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
