Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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