proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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