I skipped work to stalk him.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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