Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
