Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
