he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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