Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
