Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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